I hate it that i’m weak, that i have to depend on others most of the time. Yet, i don’t know how to be stronger and braver like those people who gives out an air of confidence everywhere they go. They make it look as if it is very easy when i’m struggling alone here.
At times, it feels like there’s a huge stone crushing down my chest, making it hard to breathe for me. Sometimes at night, when i was about to sleep, i panicked when i think about my close to non-existent future. It’s like i’m at a crossroad but whatever direction i take, it will have to sacrifice something important to me.
I longed to be those people who communicates so easily with others while i’m struggling to even make an introduction of myself. Those people who get friends so easily while i had trouble keeping even a few. I’m not even sure if they remembered me.
Sometimes i feel like saying sorry to my parents for not being a daughter they can be proud of. I feel like saying sorry for being so useless. Sorry for not being the cheerful daughter that my sister is. So sorry for being so gloomy and quiet all the time.